Bonded Love Read online

  She shook her head. Now wasn’t the time for contemplation. Not with Trinity in the house. At some point she was going to wake up, and when she did, Blaze wanted to have a clear head, uncluttered by random ruminations. Dressed in worn carpenter pants and a three-quarter sleeve tee, she picked up the book she was reading and headed out the back door, leaving it open in case Trinity looked for her.

  The afternoon had warmed from the morning’s cool temperatures, and Blaze settled in her rocker to lose herself in the pages of her favorite author.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Trinity inhaled the fresh scent of bedding and smiled at the memory of linens hanging on a sagging clothesline at the trailer. They hadn’t had much, but soap had always been plentiful, and it was her sister’s job to wash their sheets every week by hand and hang everything out to dry. Too bad there wasn’t any place to hang them outside now.

  Her eyes popped open when she realized she wasn’t in her own bed. Her heart rate increased before she remembered where she was. Long night working. Exhaustion. Blaze. She wiped her face and sat up. Panic hit when she saw her clothes piled on the floor. She shook her head and relaxed. Blaze never would have left them a haphazard mess if she’d undressed her. She’d done it herself at some point. Trinity glanced under the covers to find her bra and panties still on.

  She really needed to pee. The sun was midpoint in the sky when she looked out the bathroom window. At least she hadn’t slept the whole day away. She took in the tastefully decorated bathroom of pale greens and soft browns. The sink held a new toothbrush, toothpaste, and a small bottle of mouthwash. She peeked in the shower to find sample size bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and bath gel. She smiled at the attention to detail that was so much Blaze. The simple task of brushing her teeth had never felt so good.

  A hot shower was tempting, but she’d been in the same clothes for far too long and the thought of having to put them back on made her cringe. She had a change of clothes in a gym bag in her car. She tried not to think about it as she pulled on her crumpled shirt and pants and went to find Blaze.

  When she reached the living room, she glanced out the open door and saw Blaze sitting on the covered porch where stripes of sunlight reached the edge of the outdoor rug. Blaze held an open book in her hand, though she didn’t appear to be looking at it. She must have heard her approach because she turned in her direction and smiled. The warmth in her eyes slid over Trinity’s skin.

  “How did you sleep?” Blaze rose and came to where she stood against the doorway.

  “Like the dead. I’m so sorry I passed out,” she said.

  Blaze cupped her cheek. “Don’t apologize. You were exhausted.” Blaze looked back and forth between her eyes and her lips. She took a step back. “Are you hungry?”

  Her stomach rumbled. She grinned. “Starved.” They laughed. “But I really need a shower. I’m a mess.”

  “I think you’re beautiful.” Blaze’s gaze held hers, dropped again to her lips for a long beat before returning to her eyes. She loved the way her eyes held her captive. “If you don’t mind leftovers, I’ll heat up the Mexican you brought over last night while you shower.” Blaze looked her up and down. “Everything I have will be too big, but I’ll find something.”

  She tried to remain calm under Blaze’s scrutiny. “Leftovers are great, and I have a gym bag in my trunk with clean clothes.”

  “Good planning. Your keys are on a hook by the door. Help yourself to whatever you need in the bathroom. I’ll start…” Blaze glanced at the time. “Dinner?”

  “Close enough.”

  Blaze started removing items from the fridge, but Trinity couldn’t move. All she could do was imagine this was what living with Blaze would be like, and she wondered if anyone had lived here with her.

  “Trinity?”

  “Huh?”

  “You okay?” Blaze asked.

  She pushed away the thought, not really wanting to know. “Yeah. Guess I’m still tired.” She swallowed the jealous streak of wanting Blaze’s home to be someplace only she’d been. “I won’t be long.”

  The hot water was glorious, and she played with the massaging showerhead, finding the perfect setting. Trinity squeezed bath gel onto a washcloth before she began to scrub the grime of the ED away, then used the lavender shampoo. The conditioner was a treat since she rarely bothered with. It made her long strands feather soft, and she imagined Blaze running her fingers through them like she had before. Their night together had morphed into so much more. If she let herself, she could still picture Blaze pressed against her. Tasting her. Filling her. A knock on the door jostled her back to the here and now.

  “Trin, you all right in there?” Blaze asked.

  She could see the bathroom door ajar as she wiped away the steam from a section of the glass. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m finishing up now.”

  “Just checking on you. Take your time.”

  The door closed and she let out a breath. Trinity dried quickly, then glanced at the clock on the shelf. No wonder Blaze had checked on her. She’d been in the bathroom for a good half an hour. Not wanting to delay the dinner that was probably getting cold by now, she wrapped her hair in another towel and pulled on clean clothes. The breakfast table was set, and Blaze was pulling dishes out of the oven.

  “I’m so sorry. I totally lost track of time. You’ve got a great showerhead.”

  Blaze quirked a grin at her and removed the oven mitts she was wearing. “Glad you approve.”

  “Hope you don’t mind the towel while we eat. My hair takes hours to dry.”

  Blaze stepped close and inhaled. Her fingers neared her face before Blaze pulled back. “I don’t mind. What can I get you to drink?” She had a hard time deciding until she saw a small pitcher among the bowls of steaming food.

  “Is that margaritas?”

  “It is. I didn’t feel like wine, and beer doesn’t go all that well with the cuisine, so I took a chance.”

  “That’s perfect.” Trinity sipped the fruity drink appreciatively, glad to have something to take the edge off the tension rippling through her. They settled into their meal in silence. Blaze appeared preoccupied and she wanted to know what she was thinking. “A quarter,” she said, making her look up in confusion.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “With inflation and all, it has to be a quarter for your thoughts by now, don’t you think?”

  Blaze chucked, but her smile was tight. “Sure. Makes sense.”

  “Out with it.” Trinity waved her fork in the air.

  “Why is it we have such a hard time with conversation?”

  Trinity bit the inside of her mouth, not sure if she was ready for the talk they were about to have, but it had been too long coming, perched between them like the proverbial elephant in the room. “I’m not sure, but I’m listening now.”

  “I don’t want to bore you into a sleep coma.”

  She laughed. “You could never bore me, but eating while it’s still warm is a good idea.”

  “Thanks for the spread,” Blaze said appreciatively. The silence grew between them.

  They started talking at the same time and laughed.

  Blaze stuck her fork into an enchilada and ate, rolling her eyes. “This is good.” The tension dissipated.

  Now that Trinity had her talking, she wanted to know more about the last time she’d seen her. “Are you ready to tell me why you were back in the ED?”

  Blaze took a drink, grabbed a chip, and scooped guacamole. “I was thinking about…” She glanced down at her plate. “Stuff.”

  Trinity stared at her, waiting.

  “Anyway. I was using the table saw. Pushing a piece of wood along the blade. When I got to the end, it kicked back.”

  “Oh my God, that sounds horrible.”

  Blaze shrugged. “It happens sometimes, but if I were paying attention, it wouldn’t have hit my arm.”

  “What were you thinking about?”

  Blaze glanced up then, holding her with her
gaze for a long beat. “You. Us. Thanksgiving.”

  Trinity set her fork down. “Tell me.”

  “I couldn’t help thinking if I’d said or done something differently, you would have given me a chance.”

  She swallowed hard. It was time to be totally honest and let the cards fall where they would. “It wasn’t about you.” She looked away, unwilling to see the hurt in Blaze’s eyes any longer. “I was scared.”

  “Of me?” Worry creased Blaze’s forehead.

  Trinity shook her head, unsure where to start. “My parents…I think they loved each other, once. But they could never get ahead, never get above water. They both started drinking and it only got worse. My older sister died of an overdose, and my brother disappeared. I think he’s living in New York somewhere, but I’m not really sure. My younger sister has a chance. I help her the best I can, but she’s struggling in school.” Trinity pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes to shove away the tears. “I promised myself I’d get out and stay out. I’ve worked so hard, for so long, to make sure I never have to go back to that life.”

  “Jesus. I’m so sorry.” Blaze held her hand gently, her eyes never leaving Trinity’s face.

  “I always thought if I ended up in a relationship it would just turn out like my parents’. And I don’t want that.” She let the tears fall and felt the walls she’d built around her heart beginning to crumble. “But you make me think it doesn’t have to be an either-or choice.”

  Blaze stroked Trinity’s hand, her expression thoughtful. “I think for a while I was doing exactly the opposite. My mom and dad have something so special between them, I didn’t think I’d ever be as lucky, and I didn’t want to settle for less.” She looked up, her eyes serious. “I don’t want to let what we could be go. I won’t turn away from what I believe is something real.”

  Trinity held Blaze’s hand between hers. “I don’t either. I should have reached out to you. Ever since that night, I’ve wanted nothing more than to have time with you.” And there it was. The truth laid bare. Trinity’s eyes shimmered, blurring Blaze’s features. A sob escaped, and before she could do anything to stop it, she found herself in Blaze’s arms.

  “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

  Blaze rubbed her back, cradling her head to her chest. She made consoling sounds and spoke softly, though Trinity wasn’t sure what she was saying. She trembled in Blaze’s grasp. Regret coursed through her. Blaze hadn’t done anything to warrant her mistrust. Then or now. She leaned back.

  “But I managed to treat you like shit, and all because I convinced myself that success and stability were more important than a relationship.”

  Blaze unwrapped her hair, combing it with her fingers. Her touch was tender, calming. “Growing up is hard, isn’t it?”

  Trinity laughed, agreeing.

  “Things happen. It’s human nature to mess up shit on a regular basis.” Blaze pulled her close for a moment, then held her away. “Shall we try to eat a meal without interruptions?”

  “That would be a change.” Trinity grinned and slid onto the seat.

  They stuck with safe topics over the meal, but all the while Trinity knew there was more to say, and much more to let Blaze see. She didn’t know where to pick up the discussion. Her childhood had been like so many shattered pieces of a broken mirror, and for a long time she never wanted to look at the reflection. When the conversation finally stalled, Trinity took a shaky breath. “I don’t know what else to say.”

  Blaze slid her hand along her arm until their fingers entwined. “It’s when the talking is truly over that you know there’s no hope.” Blaze pulled her closer. “I’ll talk all night if it will keep you here.”

  “Oh, you will, will you?” she said into her chest, a place she could get used to being if she wasn’t so damn stubborn, and she believed Blaze would always feel like a safe place. She squared her shoulders. She could take her time with Blaze. More importantly, she wanted to. To explore what they had and be okay with the outcome, whatever it might be.

  Blaze smiled and nodded. “Let me clean up and we can go on the porch.”

  “Can I help?”

  “I’m good. If you don’t mind taking our drinks out, I’ll join you in a minute.”

  Trinity was about to say she’d wait, but something in Blaze’s demeanor told her she needed a minute. She couldn’t blame her.

  The screen whispered as it slid along the track and she set their drinks on the table. She leaned on the railing, looking up at the clear sky. Darkness had fallen, like the night she’d let her fears rise to the top, pushing Blaze away. Tonight, the stars shone in a blanket across the sky, and without city lights to dull their brightness, she could make out a few constellations. So peaceful. That’s how she felt when Blaze was near. At peace. She settled down in a padded chair and inhaled the fresh air. Blaze had the right idea, submersing herself in the serene quiet that surrounded her. It was nothing like the trailer park of her childhood. Nor her apartment for that matter, which was less like a home and more like a place to sleep and eat between shifts.

  Blaze nudged open the screen while balancing a tray.

  Trinity jumped up. “I’ll get it.” She opened the screen all the way and Blaze set the tray on the table between the chairs. It held an array of lit candles in small and medium sized glass jars. The scent was familiar, but she couldn’t name it. Blaze began placing the containers at various locations around them, including the wide railing, and a medium size one on the floor near their feet. When she was done, Blaze sat in the other chair and smiled at her.

  “Sometimes the darkness is a little off-putting if you aren’t used to it. I thought a little ambience was in order.” She handed Trinity a glass of the margarita concoction, then picked up hers.

  “This is nice.”

  “It is.”

  She sipped her drink and reviewed bits and pieces of her life. There were things she might have done differently, but she needed to focus on moving forward. She set her empty glass down. The night had turned cold and she shivered. Blaze seemed comfortable. She was probably used to the mountain chill.

  After a few minutes, Blaze shifted to look at her. “No one may have told you, so I want to. There’s no shame in where you start in life. It’s where you go from there that counts. I think you’re amazing, and after all you’ve been through, I think you should be really proud of yourself for all you’ve accomplished.”

  She thought about Blaze’s words. “I’m not sure I’ll ever really believe it.”

  Blaze was quiet for a long time. “No matter how you see your younger self or your parents, I’m grateful for them.” She grasped her hand and held it, gently rubbing. “Without them, I wouldn’t have met you.”

  Trinity couldn’t respond because the lump in her throat threatened to choke her. Blaze’s compassionate nature was one more reason to keep Blaze in her life. Blaze must have sensed she needed a break from reliving memories she’d tried to forget.

  “Your hand is cold. Let’s go inside and I’ll fix us a cup of coffee.”

  She groaned. “You’ve discovered my weakness.” Blaze gathered the candles and Trinity took care of the door as she carried the tray to the bay window seat and set it down.

  “Can I help?” She liked the sound of Blaze’s laugh.

  “I might not be one hundred percent, but I can manage coffee, though I wouldn’t mind the company.”

  “Where’s Baxter? I haven’t seen her at all.”

  “Who knows. Chasing down wildlife. Looking for a girlfriend.”

  “Do you leave her out all night?” Trinity didn’t like the idea of Baxter having to fend for herself.

  “She’d scream her head off if she couldn’t get in. She has a cat door in the mud room.” Blaze readied the coffee pot and set out mugs.

  She wanted a better look at her arm. “Can I see?” She pointed.

  Blaze nodded and pushed up her sleeve.

  Trinity cradled her arm and assessed what she was seeing wi
th a critical eye. The fresh bruise was a deep purple, with a hard center. Otherwise, the skin was pale, and the girth of Blaze’s forearm was a bit smaller than her left one. She’d lost muscle mass, but not much. The scar ran from just below her wrist to just below the elbow. The incision was narrow and clean. The stitch marks were small and precise. She could see where the bone had poked through the skin. “The incision is well healed. Dr. Jonas did a good job minimizing the scarring. I have a cream that might help, if you’d like some.” Trinity lightly ran her fingertip along the incision line. “Does it bother you?”

  “Only if I can’t do something I want to do.” Blaze’s gaze held hers and she had the distinct feeling it’s what she wasn’t saying that held meaning. “I still wear the sleeve when I work.” The brewer beeped and she poured, then set out sugar and cream. They fixed their cups and moved to the living room.

  “I didn’t see your family at the hospital.”

  Blaze stared into her mug. “I didn’t tell them. They live a few hours away and I didn’t want them driving. My brother, Josh, wasn’t with them. He’s a bit of a wanderer and he lives in Vermont for the time being.”

  “He’s younger?”

  “Six years. Do I have competition?”

  “Sorry, he’s on the wrong team.” Blaze smiled, and she sensed their sibling rivalry was just good-hearted ribbing.

  “He followed me around all the time as a kid.”

  “Big sister idolizing?”

  Blaze laughed. The sound filled the space, gently surrounding her. She liked it. She wondered if there’d been a shortage of laughter in Blaze’s life since the accident.

  “Something like that. When I was younger, I saw him as more of a pain in the ass, but we’re close now. Have been since we were teenagers.”

  “Tell me more about your childhood. Where did you grow up?” she asked.

  Blaze stood. “I’ll start a fire.”

  Trinity could have used a little warmth of the human kind, but Blaze was being gracious and giving her space. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful. Maybe they could find common ground after all.